Me, toasting bread over a propane stove in Costa Rica.

I just got an ad for OSHA in my gmail account!!!

Pet Peeve #73: People who hold their forks and spoons like a shovel and stuff food into their mouths.  It's so uncouth. 

Pet Peeve #1:  People who don't answer their door when I knock or ring the doorbell.  

Irony #5:  Unfriendly people with really nice entrance ways.  Why bother making the front of your home look warm and inviting when you're a son of a bitch?

Slaves with aloha shirt collars.

OBAMACARE FTW!!!!

So, I was driving to work at the ungodly hour of 8am and listening to NPR in the car when I catch the middle of a breaking news story about the Supreme Courts decision on Obamacare. All I hear at first is something about the Court deciding that congress didn't have the right to mandate insurance via the Commerce Clause.  I was unbuckling my seatbelt and stepping down on the accelerator looking for the nearest concrete structure to drive my car into when the radio goes on to say that the law was upheld based on the authority of congress to impose taxes.  What a bizarre way for the supreme court to legislate from the bench...but whatever, i'm happy.

 Here is a picture of me drinking and driving in what appears to be a snowstorm.  The wine was a 2008 Martin & Louis Cab. I do not recall taking this picture. 

"On a white, sandy beach, of Hawaii"

India

Here is the kind of thing one will encounter in India:

'tis a sacred cow, wandering around a train station, shitting wherever it pleases.

 Other times, one will encounter colorful moments while sipping chai on a fortress rooftop: 

What do you do when you're feeling sad?

If I'm feeling down, I drive to the 24 hour Kinko's and photocopy something. 

Pizza salad

I made a pizza salad today.  For those who don't know, a pizza salad is the dish you end up with when your pizza dough sticks completely to the pan during baking and you end up scraping all the toppings and whatever dough is salvageable into a bowl and eating straight with a fork.

Since I learned that someone I know is going to India I've been thinking about the country and I find myself romanticizing the time I spent there.  I say romanticize because the truth of the matter is, traveling is hard work, especially in a country like India

It's funny how I can look back on the times crammed into a smelly, dirty, cold passenger train full of rude peasants with nostalgia.  While conveniently forgetting about all the sleepless nights and cramped bus seats and dirty beds and cold showers and confusion I dealt with along the way.  Except I haven't really forgotten those difficulties.  I just remember them with more fondness than I actually felt at the time.

I'm not sure what the word is, but there's a term for this tendency to look back on difficult times with undue positive perspective.  It's done all the time with war.  War and soldiers have always been romanticized, people need to be more skeptical about anything that portrays war as a noble and worthwhile endeavor.  Maybe we wouldn't be spending 700 billion dollars a year on defense if war was looked upon with more suspicion.

Anyway, someone I know (not a family member) has cancer and it makes me sad.  People die.  That is life.  parents, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents.  everyone poops, and everyone dies.  I like to believe I am more aware of death than most people; so what does it mean that I still find it so jarring to encounter death, in life?  Does this mean the lessons of death are lost upon me?

And the injustice of our health care system has never seemed more perverted and evil than it does to me right now. So, right now, I am wondering what my life will look like in the end.  If I make it to the point where I die from age related diseases and system failures, who will take care of me and how am I going to pay for it?

This was an official India Immigration office, I shit you not.  This was at one of the Nepali-Indian border crossings.

Anyway, I have a ton of advice I'm going to share with that girl who is going to India.  I'm so excited for her, and a little jealous...take me with youuuuuuuuu!  

I laid in bed for about an hour after my alarm.  I was idly picking through my thoughts and feelings, listening to the rat in the ceiling scurry around.  My 60 year old mother limped into my room and asked me to carry some heavy things for her. As I carried the boxes to her car it started to rain.   The drizzle plus the steady East winds made me shiver because I was only wearing shorts.  I checked my to-do list for the day and made one phone call; the rest of the items can wait until later in the day.  For the moment, I want to procrastinate and cogitate.

I want to believe in happy endings.  I really do. 

Tomorrow, everything will be better. I promise. 

Those token attractive girls at dinner parties or other large gatherings of friends and family who look bored or are uninterested in talking or socializing, who often sit with their arms crossed, with a haughty look on their face, who dress and act in such a way as to imply they have a high opinion of their attractiveness and are stuck up, yet lack any discernible personality...I wonder now if these girls are just actually really shy and I was guilty of fundamental attribution error. 

Aloo Gobi

I made the traditional India dish "Aloo Gobi", potatoes cauliflower. It turned out surprisingly tasty.  It was very satisfying seeing those raw ingredient turn into aauthentic-looking Indian food right in my own kitchen.  I had doubts about my ability to make such ethnic food.

Protip: Turmeric stains everything yellow.

I kind of want to go back to India now.  Somebody slap some sense into me.

Good news!  The brothers/hosts of Car Talk are retiring.  God, I hated that show; their stupid snorting laugh, their unfunny jokes, the way they laugh at their own unfunny jokes, their increasingly outdated and irrelevant advice in this age of computerized, proprietized, high tech motor vehicle repair.  

Art and Flea

Somewhere in the downtown area...

i stumbled upon a hipster congregation.

Four dollar PBR's, T-shirts with cute pictures and feather earrings.

Add caption

Morissey

hilltop. ghoulish clouds. white lights. city lights. tradewinds. unlit cigarette. Morrisey. a red shirt. ennui.

Morissey's voice exudes melancholy.  But Morissey himself? A man of humor of the dark type.  I've never heard the word "happy" pronounced with such pitch-perfect scorn. 

I'd like to have a couple of beers with the guy. I think we'd get along just fine.

set list highlights:
How Soon is Now
Shoplifters of the World Unite
Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me (LNIDTSLM)
Please please please let me get what i want (PPPLMGWIW)


After he sang PPPLMGWIW and LNIDTSLM, I realized it was appropriate that I ended up alone at a Morrisey concert.  It wouldn't have made sense any other way.

I forgot to bring my camera to the concert. So, imagine the opposite of this picture, because this is the exact opposite of a Morrissey concert.

Season Finale of Castle

OMG!  It finally happened!  They kissed!  OMG!  They even held hands!  I can't believe it!  Years of sexual tension and it finally happened!  squeeee!  oh man this feels good...

I am such a sucker for this kind of thing. 

It feels good to finally get rewarded for years of loyalty to a otherwise lame, uninspiring, formulaic, unoriginal, cliche, cop show drama.

Plus, it's nice to see Mal finally hook up with the woman he actually wants to be with.  BBF! (Bring Back Firefly!)  But this probably means the show is going to wrap up soon.

The Road.  I think my next backpacking trip is going to be a road trip across the US. Who What When Where Why and How TBD.

raaaaaaaaage

Fuck Dave. And fuck Buster.  Boycott them. don't give them money.  don't play their games; i mean that literally and figuratively because yes they have video games you can play but i really mean don't get sucked into their mind-games and lies and fraud and misrepresentation.  Argh, this place is worse than that hostel in Saigon!   Don't trust their waitresses who say "you can cash out the card" and then later play dumb and say "Oh, by 'cash out' I thought you meant redeem your remaining points for prizes" (which I wasn't allowed to do either!).  
And what kind of bar charges tax on drinks? The people at Dave and Buster's are terrible human beings and should be ashamed of themselves and the life they've chosen.  If you think about it, selling drugs or sex on a street corner is more honest than what dave and busters does.  at least with the dealer/prostitute you know upfront what you're getting into.
 

Why this ad?

There was an ad in my gmail acccount:

"U by Kotex® at Sam's Club - www5.samsclub.com - Bigger Pack, Better Value. Get A Free U by Kotex® Sample Online Now!"

I have never been as disturbed by a targeted online ad as I have been by this one, so I clicked on the google link "Why this ad?" for an explanation. Google says "This ad is based on emails from your mailbox. Visit Google’s Ads Preferences Manager to learn more, block specific advertisers, or opt out of personalized ads."

I've been analyzing my emails to figure out what keyword or combination of words could have possibly triggered this ad placement. I can't figure it out and I am very perplexed.

I thought this was all a dumb mistake and bad algorithm writing, but then I realized (too late) that those clever bastards at Kotex actually got me to Google their product and visit their website. If page hits and click-throughs are how they measure success then they definitely succeeded with me. But if actual sales and revenue is what they want, well...better luck next time Kotex. (I admit that I was a little impressed by the fancy site and the sharp new packaging).


Update: I don't take this kind of thing lightly. Targeted media advertising is a sin in my eyes. The invasion of privacy and the collection of personal data on individuals is a very slippery slope into a surveillance authoritarian society. It's the salami effect, they take little slices until the whole thing is gone. They take a little bit of your rights away at a time or they get you to surrender to little invasions of privacy. The cumulative effect of this won't be noticed until it's too late. It's already happening; look at SOPA, CISPA, the UK's unbelievably Orwellian surveillance society, Carnivore, etc...

I made this addendum because I just got a gmail ad for Coconut Oil. This terrifies me because my mother has been talking about the health benefits of coconut oil recently (is this a new trend?). However, I am positive there are no clues to her discussion about it in any of my online information. HOW DID THEY KNOW?!

Shredded roast chicken with gremolata, salad, brown rice and mashed cauliflower.

It was a long strange trip.

Imagine, if you can, a topless vietnamese sailor singing the Beatle's Yellow Submarine while his mates accompany him with out of tune drums and a scratchy guitar on a boat full of tourists taking part in a scuba diving tour in the middle of hong an bay in Vietnam.




now stop imagining it and actually live it:

Sleep? No, thank you, I'm allergic.

I just had to tuck my mom in to bed cuz she was high on ambien and stumbling around the house. LOL. I don't blame her, I know exactly where those little pink pills will take you.

I've been home for a few weeks now but I think I'm still jetlagged. Some nights I'll sleep 3 or 4 hours, other nights I'll pass out for 13 hours. I tried using various combinations of sleep deprivation, coffee and sleeping pills to crowbar my melatonin secretions into a semblance of regularity, but all those tactics probably did more harm than good.

I don't know what it is about me and sleep. I've always had a one way relationship with sleep, i.e. I wanted it, it didn't want me.

Unhealthy patterns are the problem. My life has no rhythm. Working nights at the restaurants means I come home late and therefore go to bed late. And not having any obligations most mornings means I have no reason to sleep early or rise early, or even at a regular time. Add up the random late weekend nights, an on-off caffeine addiction, an occasional alcohol habit, a 7-month stint as a hotel night auditor, a couple of round the world time zone trips and I suddenly realize I haven't slept well for the past 28 years.

I sometimes wonder if all the problems in my life stem from this lack of sleep. Isn't it fair to assume that if one slept better, one would feel better? More energetic and optimistic about life? There aren't many things in life where I say to myself (and actually believe) "if only I had _______, I would be happy", but I suspect sleep is one of the necessary's for a fulfilled life.

"Would you like some sleep, sir?" the college student in the tuxedo politely asked.
"No thank you, I'm allergic." I replied. He looked at me blankly before giving me a polite smile and quietly moving onto the next guest.
My dinner companion sitting to my left turned to me and exclaimed, "you're allergic to sleep? how can anyone be allergic to sleep?"
"It's true. I can't have sleep."
"what happens if you sleep?" he asked.
"I get constipated."
"have you tried chewing Valerian root?" he offered. I had to give this gentleman credit, he stuck with me despite my off-putting, but sincere, answers to his questions.
"I've tried it, only to find out I'm also allergic to Valerian root".
I watched my dinner companion sip his champagne as he weighed his options. Then, with a heavy sigh, he managed a "and what happens when you chew Valerian root?"
"I fall asleep".

oh, and the internet. Can't forget to mention that. why would I want to sleep when I can internet?

embers

"That is our human fate," said his mother. She was sitting at her mirror, staring at her fading beauty. "One day we lose the person we love. Anyone who is unable to sustain that loss fails as a human being and does not deserve our sympathy."

- page 41, "Embers" by Sandor Marai


This is the kind of book I like to read.

"same-same, but different"

After all I've seen and done on my trip, I'm not ungrateful for what I have. So, I can't say I hate my life...but...I don't know. Lets just say I have a powerful urge to drink right now.

wow. I went to work tonight. The feelings of anger, impatience, frustration and depression returned like thunder. It took months of intense traveling and spiritual self-examination to develop the zen peace of mind i brought home; it took the restaurant 10 minutes to destroy it. wow.