Sleep? No, thank you, I'm allergic.

I just had to tuck my mom in to bed cuz she was high on ambien and stumbling around the house. LOL. I don't blame her, I know exactly where those little pink pills will take you.

I've been home for a few weeks now but I think I'm still jetlagged. Some nights I'll sleep 3 or 4 hours, other nights I'll pass out for 13 hours. I tried using various combinations of sleep deprivation, coffee and sleeping pills to crowbar my melatonin secretions into a semblance of regularity, but all those tactics probably did more harm than good.

I don't know what it is about me and sleep. I've always had a one way relationship with sleep, i.e. I wanted it, it didn't want me.

Unhealthy patterns are the problem. My life has no rhythm. Working nights at the restaurants means I come home late and therefore go to bed late. And not having any obligations most mornings means I have no reason to sleep early or rise early, or even at a regular time. Add up the random late weekend nights, an on-off caffeine addiction, an occasional alcohol habit, a 7-month stint as a hotel night auditor, a couple of round the world time zone trips and I suddenly realize I haven't slept well for the past 28 years.

I sometimes wonder if all the problems in my life stem from this lack of sleep. Isn't it fair to assume that if one slept better, one would feel better? More energetic and optimistic about life? There aren't many things in life where I say to myself (and actually believe) "if only I had _______, I would be happy", but I suspect sleep is one of the necessary's for a fulfilled life.

"Would you like some sleep, sir?" the college student in the tuxedo politely asked.
"No thank you, I'm allergic." I replied. He looked at me blankly before giving me a polite smile and quietly moving onto the next guest.
My dinner companion sitting to my left turned to me and exclaimed, "you're allergic to sleep? how can anyone be allergic to sleep?"
"It's true. I can't have sleep."
"what happens if you sleep?" he asked.
"I get constipated."
"have you tried chewing Valerian root?" he offered. I had to give this gentleman credit, he stuck with me despite my off-putting, but sincere, answers to his questions.
"I've tried it, only to find out I'm also allergic to Valerian root".
I watched my dinner companion sip his champagne as he weighed his options. Then, with a heavy sigh, he managed a "and what happens when you chew Valerian root?"
"I fall asleep".

oh, and the internet. Can't forget to mention that. why would I want to sleep when I can internet?