what does cream cheese and bagels have to teach you about life?
When I was in college I developed a love for cream cheese and bagels, especially with coffee. In fact, my morning coffee and bagel was often the highlight of my day. The funny thing is that I never really liked cream cheese or bagels before college. I don't remember when I decided it was a pretty delicious combination and that I never wanted to be without it again.
Anyway, at all the coffee shops on campus, the cream cheese come in little one ounce plastic containers. This is just barely perfectly enough to cover one bagel. Once I sat down with my coffee, bagel and cream cheese, the ritual would start. I would have to first judge where the halfway mark of the little bucket of cream cheese was so I could designate half of it for each half of the bagel. then I would start to carefully spread it over one slice of the bagel. It is important to make sure the cream cheese isn't too thick or too thin on the bagel. If it's too thick, you end up using all the cream cheese before both halves of the bagel are covered. And if it's too thin, you end up with an unsatisfying bagel.
There are so many things to consider, like the temperature of the bagel slice. If it happens to be a toasted bagel, you have to let it cool down before putting on the cream cheese, otherwise the nice thick creamy cream cheese starts to melt and become runny, which is not good eats. Another important factor is the symmetry of the slice and the thickness of the bagel. A badly sliced bagel would have an uneven thickness so you'd have to account for that as you apply the cream cheese. if you put a thick layer on the thin part of the bagel, you end up wasting the precious cream cheese and the flavor will be off when you bite into it; it will overpower the bagel's flavor. And if you put too little cream cheese on the thick part of the bagel, you end up with a bite that lacks enough flavor. It needs to be balanced. And since I almost always get an Everything bagel that has garlic, onion, poppy seeds, and sesame toppings, I have to consider that balance of flavors as well. Because obviously, the side with all the toppings on it would require less cream cheese since there is already so many flavors going on. Whereas the other slice, the bottom half of the bagel, could use more cream cheese to compensate for the lack of toppings. Eating bagels is an art, really.
And god help you if you get a bagel that is too thick and beefy. In this worst case scenario, there is nothing you can do to salvage the situation. You will either have parts of a bagel with no cream cheese on it, or a bagel that is wholly covered but with an unsatisfying amount of cream cheese.
And some of you may be thinking to yourself, "hey you cheap asshole, why don't you just buy two cream cheeses and not have to deal with all that ?" And that brings me to my point hinted in the title. What does cream cheese and bagels have to do with the American Dream?
Nothing. but the bagel eating ritual I describe is an interesting reflection of my particular attitudes towards life. I am a pragmatic, anti-materialist and anti-consumerism follower of the Less-is-More philosophy. If I owned a home, I am the type who would decorate it with a spare aesthetic. So, in terms of eating bagel and cream cheese, I take what I am given in life and try to make the best out of it. I realize I could buy two containers of cream cheese and make my bagel eating experience much less of a contest. But, I enjoyed the challenge. it's like a game. Where's the fun in just recklessly spreading as much cream cheese as you could want on your bagel, devouring the whole thing and then running off to class? I prefer the joy of sitting down to a mindful and almost interactive experience with my food. Plus, you appreciate the flavors more when you are the one who carefully crafted it. It's a ritual.
And buying two cream cheeses is so inefficient. It's a waste of money (you really don't need THAT much cream cheese for one bagel), it's a waste of food and it's fattening. And it's too American of a thing to do, to just throw money and resources at the problem until it goes away. It seems to show a lack of self-discipline and an inability to appreciate what you DO have.
When the cream cheese and bagel proportion thing works out well, it's a nice feeling. It's a small joy, but if you can't enjoy the little things how will you know to enjoy the big moments of real happiness?
Anyway, let me bring this around full circle and finish by saying that after college when I entered the real world, I realized most grocery stores (Safeway for example) sells cream cheese in TWO ounce containers. TWO OUNCES! When I first saw this, I thought "oh joy! I don't have to worry about cream cheese and bagel imbalances anymore! I am rich! I have an abundance of cream cheese resource. Time for decadence!" Or so I thought. After that first bagel with two ounces of cream cheese was when I fully realized what a joy it was to have only one ounce of the stuff.
When I was in college I developed a love for cream cheese and bagels, especially with coffee. In fact, my morning coffee and bagel was often the highlight of my day. The funny thing is that I never really liked cream cheese or bagels before college. I don't remember when I decided it was a pretty delicious combination and that I never wanted to be without it again.
Anyway, at all the coffee shops on campus, the cream cheese come in little one ounce plastic containers. This is just barely perfectly enough to cover one bagel. Once I sat down with my coffee, bagel and cream cheese, the ritual would start. I would have to first judge where the halfway mark of the little bucket of cream cheese was so I could designate half of it for each half of the bagel. then I would start to carefully spread it over one slice of the bagel. It is important to make sure the cream cheese isn't too thick or too thin on the bagel. If it's too thick, you end up using all the cream cheese before both halves of the bagel are covered. And if it's too thin, you end up with an unsatisfying bagel.
There are so many things to consider, like the temperature of the bagel slice. If it happens to be a toasted bagel, you have to let it cool down before putting on the cream cheese, otherwise the nice thick creamy cream cheese starts to melt and become runny, which is not good eats. Another important factor is the symmetry of the slice and the thickness of the bagel. A badly sliced bagel would have an uneven thickness so you'd have to account for that as you apply the cream cheese. if you put a thick layer on the thin part of the bagel, you end up wasting the precious cream cheese and the flavor will be off when you bite into it; it will overpower the bagel's flavor. And if you put too little cream cheese on the thick part of the bagel, you end up with a bite that lacks enough flavor. It needs to be balanced. And since I almost always get an Everything bagel that has garlic, onion, poppy seeds, and sesame toppings, I have to consider that balance of flavors as well. Because obviously, the side with all the toppings on it would require less cream cheese since there is already so many flavors going on. Whereas the other slice, the bottom half of the bagel, could use more cream cheese to compensate for the lack of toppings. Eating bagels is an art, really.
And god help you if you get a bagel that is too thick and beefy. In this worst case scenario, there is nothing you can do to salvage the situation. You will either have parts of a bagel with no cream cheese on it, or a bagel that is wholly covered but with an unsatisfying amount of cream cheese.
And some of you may be thinking to yourself, "hey you cheap asshole, why don't you just buy two cream cheeses and not have to deal with all that ?" And that brings me to my point hinted in the title. What does cream cheese and bagels have to do with the American Dream?
Nothing. but the bagel eating ritual I describe is an interesting reflection of my particular attitudes towards life. I am a pragmatic, anti-materialist and anti-consumerism follower of the Less-is-More philosophy. If I owned a home, I am the type who would decorate it with a spare aesthetic. So, in terms of eating bagel and cream cheese, I take what I am given in life and try to make the best out of it. I realize I could buy two containers of cream cheese and make my bagel eating experience much less of a contest. But, I enjoyed the challenge. it's like a game. Where's the fun in just recklessly spreading as much cream cheese as you could want on your bagel, devouring the whole thing and then running off to class? I prefer the joy of sitting down to a mindful and almost interactive experience with my food. Plus, you appreciate the flavors more when you are the one who carefully crafted it. It's a ritual.
And buying two cream cheeses is so inefficient. It's a waste of money (you really don't need THAT much cream cheese for one bagel), it's a waste of food and it's fattening. And it's too American of a thing to do, to just throw money and resources at the problem until it goes away. It seems to show a lack of self-discipline and an inability to appreciate what you DO have.
When the cream cheese and bagel proportion thing works out well, it's a nice feeling. It's a small joy, but if you can't enjoy the little things how will you know to enjoy the big moments of real happiness?
Anyway, let me bring this around full circle and finish by saying that after college when I entered the real world, I realized most grocery stores (Safeway for example) sells cream cheese in TWO ounce containers. TWO OUNCES! When I first saw this, I thought "oh joy! I don't have to worry about cream cheese and bagel imbalances anymore! I am rich! I have an abundance of cream cheese resource. Time for decadence!" Or so I thought. After that first bagel with two ounces of cream cheese was when I fully realized what a joy it was to have only one ounce of the stuff.
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