Pet Peeve #26b

When I am working in the parking lot, there is nothing more I hate then when a customer pulls their car into the lot and decides to do a u-turn to reverse into the stall instead of just pulling in head first. More often than not, it takes them ten times longer longer to get into the stall. They'll go forward, then reverse, then forward, then open the car door to check if they are within the lines (they usually aren't), then a couple of more gear shifts before they consider themselves parked. and the kicker is after all that maneuvering, they STILL aren't parked evenly within the lines. They'll be too close to one side or crooked, which causes a domino effect of all the cars coming in aftewards to park their car too far over and by the end of the day, you end up losing an entire parking space because the asshat just HAD to reverse into the stall. And since the cars are double parked in two rows, the second row of cars will be misaligned; causing all kinds of problems when moving the cars around.

Lately, I have seen a lot of these "HE>i" bumper stickers. My only response to them is: I know. I know God is better than you, as if I need a sticker on your car telling me what is obvious. Douchebags.

Strength. It cannot be taken.

Strenth. It cannot be given.

It is earned by onself.

And no other.

When the world is your adversary and you are standing alone on the field of battle, that is when blood and sweat is shed in the name of perseverance.

Persevere.

Stand.

March.

No matter if victory is attained, there is greatness in mediocrity.

that which makes us weak.

that which makes us strong.

They are one and the same.

When there is nothing left to do but look back at the accomplishments of life, don't worry about those hopeless moments when killers and evil men were the victors, because you can proudly know that you stood apart and triumphant in your will.

Dance.

Cream cheese and the american dream

what does cream cheese and bagels have to teach you about life?

When I was in college I developed a love for cream cheese and bagels, especially with coffee. In fact, my morning coffee and bagel was often the highlight of my day. The funny thing is that I never really liked cream cheese or bagels before college. I don't remember when I decided it was a pretty delicious combination and that I never wanted to be without it again.

Anyway, at all the coffee shops on campus, the cream cheese come in little one ounce plastic containers. This is just barely perfectly enough to cover one bagel. Once I sat down with my coffee, bagel and cream cheese, the ritual would start. I would have to first judge where the halfway mark of the little bucket of cream cheese was so I could designate half of it for each half of the bagel. then I would start to carefully spread it over one slice of the bagel. It is important to make sure the cream cheese isn't too thick or too thin on the bagel. If it's too thick, you end up using all the cream cheese before both halves of the bagel are covered. And if it's too thin, you end up with an unsatisfying bagel.

There are so many things to consider, like the temperature of the bagel slice. If it happens to be a toasted bagel, you have to let it cool down before putting on the cream cheese, otherwise the nice thick creamy cream cheese starts to melt and become runny, which is not good eats. Another important factor is the symmetry of the slice and the thickness of the bagel. A badly sliced bagel would have an uneven thickness so you'd have to account for that as you apply the cream cheese. if you put a thick layer on the thin part of the bagel, you end up wasting the precious cream cheese and the flavor will be off when you bite into it; it will overpower the bagel's flavor. And if you put too little cream cheese on the thick part of the bagel, you end up with a bite that lacks enough flavor. It needs to be balanced. And since I almost always get an Everything bagel that has garlic, onion, poppy seeds, and sesame toppings, I have to consider that balance of flavors as well. Because obviously, the side with all the toppings on it would require less cream cheese since there is already so many flavors going on. Whereas the other slice, the bottom half of the bagel, could use more cream cheese to compensate for the lack of toppings. Eating bagels is an art, really.

And god help you if you get a bagel that is too thick and beefy. In this worst case scenario, there is nothing you can do to salvage the situation. You will either have parts of a bagel with no cream cheese on it, or a bagel that is wholly covered but with an unsatisfying amount of cream cheese.

And some of you may be thinking to yourself, "hey you cheap asshole, why don't you just buy two cream cheeses and not have to deal with all that ?" And that brings me to my point hinted in the title. What does cream cheese and bagels have to do with the American Dream?

Nothing. but the bagel eating ritual I describe is an interesting reflection of my particular attitudes towards life. I am a pragmatic, anti-materialist and anti-consumerism follower of the Less-is-More philosophy. If I owned a home, I am the type who would decorate it with a spare aesthetic. So, in terms of eating bagel and cream cheese, I take what I am given in life and try to make the best out of it. I realize I could buy two containers of cream cheese and make my bagel eating experience much less of a contest. But, I enjoyed the challenge. it's like a game. Where's the fun in just recklessly spreading as much cream cheese as you could want on your bagel, devouring the whole thing and then running off to class? I prefer the joy of sitting down to a mindful and almost interactive experience with my food. Plus, you appreciate the flavors more when you are the one who carefully crafted it. It's a ritual.

And buying two cream cheeses is so inefficient. It's a waste of money (you really don't need THAT much cream cheese for one bagel), it's a waste of food and it's fattening. And it's too American of a thing to do, to just throw money and resources at the problem until it goes away. It seems to show a lack of self-discipline and an inability to appreciate what you DO have.

When the cream cheese and bagel proportion thing works out well, it's a nice feeling. It's a small joy, but if you can't enjoy the little things how will you know to enjoy the big moments of real happiness?

Anyway, let me bring this around full circle and finish by saying that after college when I entered the real world, I realized most grocery stores (Safeway for example) sells cream cheese in TWO ounce containers. TWO OUNCES! When I first saw this, I thought "oh joy! I don't have to worry about cream cheese and bagel imbalances anymore! I am rich! I have an abundance of cream cheese resource. Time for decadence!" Or so I thought. After that first bagel with two ounces of cream cheese was when I fully realized what a joy it was to have only one ounce of the stuff.

Goddamn it, Internet.

I love reading poetry and lyrical writings, but I am hesitant to read new things. I have a fear that I'll discover something beautiful and clever. Because whenever I do I think, "damn it, now I'll never be able to come up with that myself". It will forever be something I can't create myself and that makes me sad in a wistful kind of way, I feel like doors are suddenly closed to me. Not that I consider myself a lyrical genius, or even a lyrical competent, but I just like myself better when I know that something I write is wholly mine.


case in point:

Don't you feed me lies, about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
-postal service.

Rhyming "suture" with "future" in a love song? Genius. Pure unadulterated genius.

I love it when i'm at the bar and thinking about putting some songs on the jukebox, but before I get a chance to get up and put money in, the song I was going to play starts. Someone else had spent their money playing the song I was going to choose!

If You Could

choose the way you were to be executed, how would you go?


Me, I would choose to be thrown into a giant clothes dryer and dried to death.