Sitting here in the comfort of my own home, I am vacillating between confident eagerness to start a new backpacking adventure and debilitating fear about starting this new backpacking adventure. It's the strangest feeling in the world, one that I remember vividly (see June 9, 2010 post) from the start of my CA trip.
PROS:
-On the one hand, I really want to go. I have lots of experience and confidence from my Central American trip so I know I can do this.
-I know I'm going to have a good time, I know I probably won't die, get robbed, get raped or have my organs harvested.
-?????
-And I really need to get away from Hawaii.
CONS:
-But on the other hand, there are lots of things that are quite terrifying and make me think twice about what I'm doing. For one thing, the language barrier is going to be worse than in CA because of the different languages of the countries I'm going to. Unlike Latin American, I can't travel through many countries with just one language, and I sure as hell am not going to bother learning Thai, Hindi, Vietnamese and Nepali.
-And India is kind of the big question mark. It's something I'm looking forward to, and many people I've met said that it's a love or hate kind of destination. I am cautiously optimistic that I'll like it, but...India is dirty and poor, man.
-And squat toilets. Jesus, don't even get me started on the squat toilets.
-Then there's the money issue. Do I really want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars I can't really afford? What really kills me is paying rent on an empty house again.
-And let me tell you what is going to happen when I finally return home. I'm going to start working in the restaurant again and instead of going back to school or finding a real job (like I said I was going to do last time), I'm going to end up working there for another year, spending every minute hating the business and myself . Then, when next summer rolls around I'm going to tell myself "one more backpacking trip and that's it. I'm going to get a real job after I come back." Wash, rinse, repeat.
The image I have of myself stepping out of the airport into the chaos of New Delhi alone with all my earthly possessions hanging on my back, vulnerable to any thief with an inclination, is terrifying and yet so titillating and enticing...........the truth of the matter is, those are the moments I live for. Those "where the hell am I?" and "Where is food and shelter?" panic attacks are half the fun of backpacking.
CONCLUSION: I'm going. That was never in doubt, I just thought I'd try to share the weird conflicting thoughts and emotions roiling around in my head.
PROS:
-On the one hand, I really want to go. I have lots of experience and confidence from my Central American trip so I know I can do this.
-I know I'm going to have a good time, I know I probably won't die, get robbed, get raped or have my organs harvested.
-?????
-And I really need to get away from Hawaii.
CONS:
-But on the other hand, there are lots of things that are quite terrifying and make me think twice about what I'm doing. For one thing, the language barrier is going to be worse than in CA because of the different languages of the countries I'm going to. Unlike Latin American, I can't travel through many countries with just one language, and I sure as hell am not going to bother learning Thai, Hindi, Vietnamese and Nepali.
-And India is kind of the big question mark. It's something I'm looking forward to, and many people I've met said that it's a love or hate kind of destination. I am cautiously optimistic that I'll like it, but...India is dirty and poor, man.
-And squat toilets. Jesus, don't even get me started on the squat toilets.
-Then there's the money issue. Do I really want to spend thousands and thousands of dollars I can't really afford? What really kills me is paying rent on an empty house again.
-And let me tell you what is going to happen when I finally return home. I'm going to start working in the restaurant again and instead of going back to school or finding a real job (like I said I was going to do last time), I'm going to end up working there for another year, spending every minute hating the business and myself . Then, when next summer rolls around I'm going to tell myself "one more backpacking trip and that's it. I'm going to get a real job after I come back." Wash, rinse, repeat.
The image I have of myself stepping out of the airport into the chaos of New Delhi alone with all my earthly possessions hanging on my back, vulnerable to any thief with an inclination, is terrifying and yet so titillating and enticing...........the truth of the matter is, those are the moments I live for. Those "where the hell am I?" and "Where is food and shelter?" panic attacks are half the fun of backpacking.
CONCLUSION: I'm going. That was never in doubt, I just thought I'd try to share the weird conflicting thoughts and emotions roiling around in my head.
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