To be precise, it has been 364 days. almost one year. almost.  wouldn't it be funny if i gave in now?  maybe i should give in now, to make a pointed joke.

Next on my bucket list is running a marathon.

This is one of those periods where I feel like life is catching up to me.  Between work and social obligations, I haven't had more than a few hours on a weekend to call my own.  I want cheese, tea, hammocks and fantasy novels on a lonely saturday afternoon. I get parades and marches and dinner parties instead.  some people would kill for things to do on the weekend.  some people would jump at the chance to get out of the house.

Mayt 21, 2013

 Unknown at Secret Spot. 

 A very skittish dog.

 din din

Q: What is faster than the speed of light?

A: My brand new computer.

It's 1:39am.  I should have gone to bed long ago.  But I want to stay up and look at things on the internet.  If I don't stay up late and look at funny cat videos on the internet, then the terrorists will win. 

and now it's 1:53am. where does the time go?

I went for a run tonight.  Because I had to.  Can't recall the last time I went running.  It felt good.  I like my new neighborhood.  I met a friendly gay couple who live right down the street.  They may have been flirting with me.  I like to think they were.

What have we learned from this new housing experience?  We learned that mattress purchases are one of the hardest decisions in life. I spent about three hours at Sears this past weekend deciding upon a bed.  My logic is sound: I spend a third of my life on this thing, it affects my sleep which affects my energy and mood through out the day.  So, it's not even about the money really.  there isn't a mattress in the world that is worth more than a good night's sleep (unless you're poor, but don't even get me started on that.  I think it was Barbara Einrich's Nickle and Dimed that pointed out how difficult it is for poor people who don't have that little extra bit of help/cash reserves to get their life off the ground.  I can't imagine how a working class person who doesn't own a car would manage to start a new life somewhere.  how would they drive around to buy the things they need to get by in their daily life? how would they have the time to shop around for a mattress?  how would they have the money to pay for anything but a shitty cheap mattress from a discount warehouse located in some dingy warehouse in the city's industrial park area?  How would they pay for a security deposit on a new apartment?  How much time and energy and money do they waste on public transportation?  There's two groups of people in this world: the poor, and the not poor.  the not poor have a dramatically easier time living.  literally.  when you're poor, just living is hard. merely getting by and doing the daily things you  need to do to stay alive is extremely difficult and draining.  fuck being poor.  and fuck the 1% and all their undeserved wealth, who don't work half as hard as a single parent holding down a full time job trying to raise her kids. when you are poor, you move into a new city and new shitty job. you use up all your cash savings to pay the security deposit and first months rent and household purchases to set up your new place.  you spend all your time in public transportation going to and from work, maybe if you're lucky you have the time and money to go grocery shopping for fresh food that you carry on to the bus in plastic bags, if not, you eat shitty processed food that affects your health and well being. With all the time you spend working your shitty low paying job, getting to and from work, you don't have the time or energy to find a better job, you don't have the time or energy to go to school,  you don't have the time or energy for any personal development or hobbies, you don't have the time or energy to raise your kids properly.  You need to spend money to make money.  if you could afford a cheap used car with all the appurtenant costs like insurance, gas and maintenance, then you suddenly  have much more time on your hands adn the freedom to literally go places; this gives you the opportunity for advancement whether it be more job opportunities or education (assuming you can afford tuition), but if you spent your saving moving into your new place, and all your minimum wage earnings get burnt up for daily living expenses, and you're just one unexpected financial emergency away from being in the red, how do you save up enough money to make that initial investment?  Poverty is an evil bastard that will never let you go, even if you fight and claw with all your strength, all it takes is one doctor's visit or emergency car repair to pull you right back down into the gutter.  Did we come so far as a society only to reach this point?) so it makes sense to spend the time and energy to choose the right mattress.  Unfortunately, I can be embarrassingly picky and indecisive, i am also greatly susceptible to buyer's remorse.  We will see if I made the right choice when the two big tattooed Hawaiian guys, whom i expect will deliver my bed, delivers my bed on Thursday.  But to be realistic, i think a moldy futon would be better than my current shit collection of steel and polyester padding I graciously call a bed.

Things I learned this week

I learned that buying a new mattress is a great big pain in the ass.

I learned that the mattress industry is quite probably, the most insincere and deceptive and unnecessarily difficult scam in the entire consumer world.   The things I could tell you about mattress buying. I demand the right mattress to spend one third of my life on,  but my mattress search makes me want to sleep on a futon.  It'd be easier to sleep on a futon for the rest of my life than deal with mattress buying .

I also learned that hot plates really suck.  even the cast iron, professional hot plates.  and they blow your fuses if you use them in conjunction with an electric kettle, a computer and a couple of light bulbs, and a running refrigerator.  lesson learned.

There isn't enough time in a day...when you have to wait 30 minues for water to boil.

there isn't enough time in the day...when you spend an entire afternoon trying out mattresses and end up being less certain, more confused and more depressed about which mattress is the right mattress for you. It's an important life decision!  I have to get this right! The pressure!   

I got the keys to my new studio annex on Saturday April 20th.

There is nothing quite like the smell of warm stale air in a new rental.  When you turn the key and walk past the doorway into your new unit and you catch that smell of afternoon heat, and the lingering scent of the previous tenants laundry detergent.  That's when you know you are about to begin a new life, or at least begin a new chapter in your same boring old life. 

walk around the new palce for a little bit imagining the life you're going to build for yourself.  Where the book shelves will go, which way to orientate the bed, things you'll need to buy.

In my head, for the past week, i've been overwhelmed by the millions of little things I needed to do and buy in order to make this studio liveable.  So many things.  For the first couple of days I was frozen with indecision, there was so much to do and i wanted to do it all in one day...I didn't even know where to start. So I spent a lot of time just sitting in a chair and imagining how awesome my new place was going to look as soon as i actually started to do something about it.
It's slowly but surely coming together now.

Newer Crush

Genevieve Meli of Sweet Genius fame. 

New Crush

Aubrey Plaza.

Another sunday

I like how I spend my sundays and weekends.  I woke up this morning relatively early, for me. 9am.  I'm not sure what I did for most of the morning.  I drank hot cocoa and looked out my window for some time.

 I played my guitar and learned some new songs.  while I sat on my bed strumming and singing love songs, a pretty girl jogged past my house.  

I strummed and sung for a long time.

   then I fed the mouse I caught at 4:30am last night.

     

        

         then I packed my car to go surfing even though it was overcast, ugly, rainy and the wind was blowing in the wrong direction. I packed my car, then decided to take a nap first.  so I napped for about an hour,  then I woke up and managed to drag myself to the beach.

            it was beautiful.  it was overcast, and raining hard, but the winds died down so the ocean was glassy. I had much more fun than I expected.  my new wetsuit kept me warm and toasty in the water.  the gray sky, the waves and the rain was an incredible scene. 

            who needs the sun?

          
     I guess that's it.

this may be my last sunday in this house of my childhood. if it is, it was a nice one.

I'll be moving into my own little studio annex very soon.  I am excited, not because I'll be moving out of my parents basement but because I've budgeted about 400 bucks for myself to furnish the place.  I'm thinking throw pillows up the wazoo, (tasteful) fuzzy rugs and book shelves full of books.  It's going to be an awesome little bachelor nook I'm creating for myself, yes I am.  I imagine most of my shopping will be done at Ross Stores.  I will have to decipher my way through their disparate styles and endless items that seem so vital and necessary that you buy right away.  No other store can trigger impulse purchases in me, and in most other people I suspect, the way Ross does.  And I don't even think Ross is trying particularly hard to encourage this kind of whimsical consumerism.  it's just inherent to any trip to a Ross.  I'm thinking of a home theater set up too...

"it is impossible to make a mistake"

I don't really cook anymore, I just assemble my food now.  Dinner this evening was fresh tomatoes, scrambled eggs, rosemary bread with a little olive oil drizzled on top, garnished with fresh basil and ground black pepper (not pictured: hummus)

There is a big crack in the sole of my right shoe.  It was a good shoe.  It is still a good shoe.  I literally traveled around the world in that shoe.  I get a little embarrassed now when I sit with my right foot on my left knee because everyone in the office will see that I have a big crack running across the bottom of the shoe.  I am sure everyone notices, but no one has said anything yet. I have yet to step in a puddle of water, but I'm fairly sure if i did, my foot and socks would get uncomfortably damp.  Not wet, just damp.  I could get new shoes, but there's little motivation to remedy this broken shoe situation.

 I miss those sky blue walks.

WAIT! Did i just sext with a pregnant blonde chick who is sitting home alone on St. Paddy's day weekend drinking decaf tea with honey watching NYPD Special Victims Unit and waiting for her boyfriend to come home from a night out as she discusses hypothetical porno sessions in my dark arts studio, all while she's petting puppies?  Best Saturday EVER.

I was going to go to the march, but then i got high.
I was going to show support, but i got high, but I got high...

I spent a part of this afternoon wrapping a statue.  "I'm wrapping a statue"I thought, "what a strange activity I'm doing right now."

it's been nine months since I...sang in the shower.  nine months since i ran up a tower to throw myself off to show her how her words have power.  Nine months before, I walked two miles for a slice of pizza, later Sue smiled as she lied "it's...uhh....not you...it's me."  Nine months time, stand in line for an answer.  The grand prize, at the end of nine months time is...drum roll please...another nine months, dummy!

listless guitar strumming, off beat foot tapping, tired humming. 

The Nofx show was disappointing.  I don't know what was missing last night, I didn't have fun. 

Perhaps I'm getting too old for this stuff?  But to be fair, everyone at the show was well into their twenties if not thirties.  Nofx is not for kids. 

Rice, Poke, Furikake and Doritos Cool Ranch.  Why Doritos?  Because I had a craving for them.  Why did I have a craving for Doritos?  Probably because I was a victim of a well executed online viral marketing campaign. 

Oh, how you vex me so.

oh lawdy am I old!

I just can't headbang like i used to.  I remember back in my day, I could bang from morning till night.  Punk, Metal, Hardcore..if it was rocking, i was banging.  But now?  After just one set by an opening band, my neck and back have fused into one big mass of tightness and pain

Update: and if i had known that Nofx is playing tomorrow night, satruday night, I wouldn't have banged so hard at the metal show.  I would have saved some for the Punk show.  as it is now, i'm so sore and tight, I'm not sure I can give properly at the punk show tomorrow night.

a musician sings another musicians song.

sings it better, plays it better, feels it better than the original creator.   Does the maker feel jealousy? betrayed by his own creation?  Or does he comprehend with zen like calm? Acquiesce and accept that someone has taken his song and made it better?  Where potential was only half realized, the other saw the full extent of latent potentiality and actualized it.

Does anyone ask how the song feels in all this?  Does anyone care but of their own role?

A man I know is about to fulfill his dream tomorrow evening?  He wants Witness.  I will be Witness.  I will be wittiness and tell his tale in talk of casual conversation. 

I find that the happiest moments of my life now revolve around sleeping in late on Saturday mornings.  It's hard to explain how happy i am when i am laying in bed on friday night, knowing I can sleep in and not have to worry about waking up and doing things the next day.

I've reverted to childhood.

I have realized that it is very important that I avoid real responsibility for the rest of my life.  Nothing must come between me and my lazy Saturday mornings.  Nothing.

If anything could be better than lazy Saturday afternoons, I don't want to know about it.

why does music sound so much better in the car radio?  A new song can sound so awesome and exciting in the car, but not so great when I get home and listen to it again.

 

You're alright, Miley Cyrus...you're alright.

Holla, mi viejo amigo