table for one please

I've spent waaay too much money eating in nice,  romantic restaurants by myself in the 38 days I've been in Arizon.

but I literally cannot see what I'm eating it so dark in this restaurant. it's good, i just don't know what I'm eating.  I had to take this long exposure night photo to confirm I got what I ordered. 

Farish House my new BFF

At my new BFFs again with a glass of Elena Walch 2020, and lounge jazz.

update: now live lounge jazz trio, not that prerecorded Sinatra crap:

chantico

5 🌟 

Farish house is #1,Chantico is #1a

duck tamales

old but competent

these 18 to 20 year old children I'm processing to start the job make me feel old. 

but the older people im processing make me feel competent.  competence permeates at every level I've learned.  from the first impression, to how well they fill out a I2 form, to their ability to follow instructions and bring appropriate documentation, to complaining about the job before they even started, a persons competence/character shows up at every level. 

I may be old but at least im competent. 

options

lay in a pitch black, sound proof box full of salt water by myself, or interact with the humans 🤔 

2022 War of Arizona

 

this war will end on November 8, 2022 and two days later I'll be shipped back to my condo. there'll be an adjustment period of course: it may be depression, joy, maybe relief, accomplishment, maybe a bit of ennui, or purposelessness, we'll see. 

but then what? a perverted desire to do it again for my 6th tour? 2016 PTSD flashbacks if we lose the house or senate?

one day this war is going to end and I don't know how i feel about that. 

because life is simple here. 40 dollar per day food stipend and a hotel room. means you do your 8.5 hours of work a day, six days a week, buy cheap and delicious takeout meals for every meal. suddenly you have more spare time than you ever did back home.  work, eat, sleep, rest, occasional beer with the crew. life is simple here in the suck.  no family, no friends, no decison making, no cooking, no chores.  just work and not-work. 

we are all counting the days (20 days left now) until we are relieved of this burdensome task and allowed to go back home... to that easy familiar old life, not appreciating the simpleness of this moment.

Will we miss this when it's gone? not the hard work, of course not. But everything else? possibly. the sense of purpose, the challenges both physical and mental, the individual and group effort, the necessary faith in the strategy and competence of the leadership. the new friends. the sight and sound of strange new people, houses, plants, and mountains never seen before (except when I was deployed here in 2016). the simplicity. 

the sense of purpose, and belief that our sacrifice and pain will win a righteous, better future for our loved ones. 

The war analogies dont end...

I got pulled off the front lines after 3 weeks in the field, and put to work in the safe, air conditioned HQ in the rear. I feel like an evacuated casualty, or maybe soldier honorably reassigned for good of the war effort. 

we're all here making and shaping history through our marginally incremental individual contributions and no one but ourselves will know what we and our comrades in the trenches did to win (or lose) this war.we'll all be changed by the experience but no one will know what we did or how we did it. 

few will understand the physical and mental challenges we had to overcome within ourselves, nevermind the pain inflicted upon us by the enemy (republicans).  or the burden inflicted by our weaker willed comrades who didn't understand why they signed up to be in this war, or signed up for the wrong reasons and made our jobs even harder.  the dumb ones, the smart ones, the lazy, the hardworking ones, the sincere but incompetent, the insincere but competent, the introverts and extroverts. they were all here, like they are for every war. 

the HQ Generals, the non-commissioned officers, the grizzled staff sergeants, the field promotion lieutenants, the incompetent cadet school grads, and us the cannon fodder foot soldiers of course. 

after all our work and pain and sacrifice, we must trust that the few indivduals who we fought for to reap the fruits of our labor, will do right by our memory. 

it is what it is. 

also, I fell in love today. 

spreadsheets, my old friend

 i got demoted? promoted? side-moted? 

they pulled me off the turf and into admin to be a desk jockey.  I dont know how to feel about it... bittersweet is probably best way to describe it. 

I'm a good soldier and will do what needs to be done to incrementally move this war to the left... but the fight is happening on the doors. 

lots of war analogies on my mind. and coincidentally my tinnitus had gotten much worse lately, very apt.

another analogy. a football super star who dominate in the first half of a season helping his team win, then gets injured and is out for the season but the team goes on to win the superbowl.  he's standing on the sidelines helping and cheering his team, but he's not on the field and his team wins and he gets a ring (as do ball boys) cuz he contributed and played earlier on the season... but that ring don't feel earned.  

but If his team goes all the way to superbowl and then loses, that's a different story. 

best meal runner ups honorable mentions and never agains

chompies: Reubens, 21.99 for well stuffed but not 22 dollars worth sandwich and tiniest little thing of cole slaw. good. would return but not good value. 

to do list: ✔ 

winner winner duck leg confit dinner!

best meal of Arizona 2022.  The Farish House. poping wine list. fun intimate residential home location. five  ⭐'s

bitter greens, radicchio, gorgonzala cheese, walnuts, onions, orange marmalade vinaigrette + glass of Elena Walch 2020 Schiava red = 🥲

but running into coworkers working while going to dinner. 😬