fab mart

this is where I get my fab

face mask and Chinese dinners

unexpected face mask benefit, a device to signal the end of an already prolonged  Chinese dinner. 

pet peeve #836

that cold spot of freezing freezer air in the middle back part of you refrigerator. 

poor bastards

it's high school graduation season, and outside my window i hear party buses driving by  with high school graduates screaming and cheering their excitement to enter the real adult world.

those poor, stupid, little, young, naive bastards. 

they have no idea. 

I didn't have the heart to yell at them "this is probably as good as it gets!" (for most of them).  let them enjoy this night.

Between the post covid, post 2008 economy plus the impending global warming apocalypse, plus modern housing prices and 40 years of stagnant wages...  smh... those poor kids... 

y'all 18 now, so spread those ass cheeks wide, kiddos. the world about to give you a teaching you won't soon forget. 

reminds me very much of election night 2016.  The high school kids who were part of our election canvassing campaign were at our election night watch party.   all of us expected victory.  the kiddos were outside, partying the way chaperoned high school kids do, while the adults were inside watching the results coming in on the TV... 

kalsarikannit

oh good!  the fact a word for it exists helps validate the normalcy of my degeneracy.

lmao, was i just sexually harassed?

im using dirty beach bathroom urinal, guy comes next to me. whips out his sizeable chubby and starts aggressively swinging it around over his urinal, can't help but notice from corner of my eye, notice he's not peeing, he's too young to have prostate problems I thought, the hell he be doing?, don't think much of it, I finish up, as I turn to leave he mumbles something unintelligible to me I give him head nod and walk out, that was weird i thought.  

10 minutes later in car, mfw when I realized I was probably sexually harassed and/or propositioned. 

what the fuck is wrong with guys? who does that?  

does that actually work? what's the success rate to fist in face ratio? 

the sixth love language

the old mistaken belief is that there are 5 Love Languages™️.  

there are actually six. 

physical touch, quality time, gift giving, words of affirmation, acts of service... and texting funny memes. 

250 calories

this is 55 grams of 250 calories (before milk!) 

thats literally four, maybe five, mouthfuls of cereal. 

pulitzer

this one is winning a pulitzer, I'm certain. 

and then I knew...I was an artist

12:12am

"so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." 

I forgot how good this book is. 

Saturday night

in retrospect this past Saturday night was a lot wilder than i realized. huh. 

biscuits 1:15am

could a depressed person do this,  he whispered to himself, as he pulled fresh baked buttermilk biscuit from the oven at 1:15 in the morning on a Friday night.  

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

why did I watch this movie? 

why did someone make such a movie?  

its like the darkest timeline version of lost in translation. 

now I feel awful. 

good morning. April 5th, 6:13am

rom com movie tropes

me, stretching before my dramatic entrance just as the priest says the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. 

bedding

stimmy check in my pocket. holes in my blanket. 

buying expensive bedding is the most stressful thing anyone can poasibly experience. 

I do not need this unnecessary burden in my life right now. 

nature finds a way

David attenboro:  the red jeeps and mustang convertibles are slowly returning to their Honolulu habitat.  the resurgent population of the rental cars on the city streets, beach parking lots, and along the shoulders of busy scenic highway roads is a sign of capitalism's relentless resilience.

red wet and bitter

this grapefruit is wet, red and so bitter.

just like my heart. 

this is fine

this is fine. really. actually, this is my happy place. 

March 23, 2021

 how it started one year ago: 

how it's going today: 

 

I dropped the pen I was using and I just about gave up on life.

🙃

🙃🤷‍♂️💔😅🤯🤮😐🧐🥺😫🤡👍

the orange food

 These oranges are not good, I though to myself.  I bit into an unevenly cut wedge, but my teeth couldn't cut through the tough dry flesh.  Sucking what juice i could from the fruit, I threw the half chewed rind into the sink.  the rinfs were starting to pile up now, halfway through my second orange.  tonguing the strands stuck between my teeth, i couldn't loosen any of the fibers tickling the inside of my mouth.  I guess i have to floss tonight. Is it orange season?  it must not be, and i guess that would also explain why they were so damn expensive.

 i finished my fruit appetizer and turned to my main course.  My enthusiasm waned. I could have sworn i had left myself more sauce than this.   i tore off a piece of toast and smashed it into the corners of the container, trying to get at the remains of meat sauce from yesterday's spaghetti takeout.   This sucks, there's not enough sauce left in here to flavor the entire slice. I thought there would be more sauce for the bread.  

that's okay, i thought, always look on the bright side.  This means I can only have one slice of bread tonight, which means less calories. so, that's good.  I told myself, as i gnawed on the last bite of hard crust and scooped the orange skins away into the trash.

 

[every event described here is based on a true story]

I ❤ guillotines

I'm soul tired.

I'm soul exhausted.